so yesterday was AMAZING!!! i went to visit justin. he is in san diego now, so i went with my mom, aunt, and sis to go see him. i am humbled by his strength! his is so positive i love it!! we laughed and laughed and laughed the whole time! he showed us his legs and his butt. he he he! only our family! lol! he has some seriously gnarly scars. his arm is the worst part and i could tell that was the root of most of his pain. he lost bone, tendons, and has nerve damage. he took off his cast to show us that too. :) they never did any skin grafts, but he had 11 surgery's so far. they had to stretch the skin on his arm to get it to close... he stepped on a home made land mine. so the good news about that was that there was no shrapnel involved! his right leg took the brunt of the explosion, that's why it is the shorter one, and why his right arm was hit. so my family is sick, i think i have mentioned that before right?? we dance on our loved one's graves... and we take pix of war wounds! lol! my sis took pix of his legs and his arm.. and his ass! ha! the best was his leg cause he held it up and made a face like a dude who just caught a big fish!! lol!! that was soo funny! he got himself in his motorized wheel chair and we walked around the hospital court yard. while we were out there i said, "hey you want us to go get you some real food?" because he is not allowed to leave the property. he went ooo that sounds good! then the next thing i know, we are loading him into my mom's car and taking him to t.g.i.fridays!! he was like f**k it! lets go! he got a normal wheel chair so we could load that into the car and away we went! it was his first time out since he got to california. he was able to take the tour in maryland though. so he's been out, but not in ca. :) we got him back in plenty of time! we ran into his buddies who were coming to visit so we passed him off to them and away we went. it was so wonderful! the only sad part was at fridays, he was hurting at the end. and he didn't finish his steak. i think it was the wheel chair. it wasn't comfy at all. i guess he gets the phantom pain to the point of having to take meds. so he was kinda having that. but he did good. he is one amazing person! i can't wait to go back and see  him! there is so much more drama surrounding that day. but i wanted to post just the good right now. perhaps later i tell you all the rest. but honestly, the good outweighs the bad!! hope you all have a great saturday! ((((hugs)))))~ alysia    

i suppose that once you open your self up to the world of healing of self and others, you tend to get *ideas* that seem to come out of nowhere! but i'm sure that my guides/god{dess} are giving them to me. :) actually, the book that i am reading right now says that we all know these things, we just hold them back or forget about them. we just simply need to turn on a light inside and blamo! there you are. ;)

what the heck am i rambling on about you ask yourself... why doesn't she just get to the damn point you implore! lol! alright!! so last night something hummed inside me like an invisible hand hit my inner guitar strings.... i had a good night, i met some friends at a local bar, which is suddenly becoming a haunt of ours! i had realized a while ago that i no longer wanted to drink to excess. i didn't even want to drink caffeine to much! i realized that any substance like that would shift my awareness. i, about 3 months ago, began down the path of intuition. i began to open myself up to the world around me. i found it really hard to pay attention to what was being said when i was hopped up on caffeine! lol! same applies to drinking. so, i decided to meet with my friends and maybe have one small beer. or ask if i could have some tea! i did have a beer. and i did have a wonderful night! full of laughs and good times. i am realizing more and more that i don't need booze in my system to have a rockin good time! {don't worry guys, i am no lush, nor have i ever been. just tired of paying so much to feel sooo bad the next morning! lol!!}  but my friend did say somethings that offended me. she can sometimes pluck my inner guitar to the point of annoyance! she was drunk, but she would've said such things if she wasn't. being around her is like playing a game of double dutch jump rope!  you have to sit and wait for the perfect time to jump in. choosing your words wisely, and always remembering to keep moving! soooo...  normally i would go home after a night with her royal heinous of demented rope jumping and stew. i would be up for a lot of the night and think about how cruel she was, or what she said that really hurt. then last night i stumbled upon a way to heal myself. i didn't sit there and do an evil spell on her! ha! no matter how fun that would've been! ;) nor did i sit there and justify her actions. i didn't try to figure out why she does what she does. nope! it's on her. if that's the way she wants to be then that's her path... no what i did was this; i closed my eyes and saw myself in a beautiful field. i saw myself sitting in a meadow of very tall grass on a beautiful day. then i recalled all the things she said that upset me. i let them well up inside until i could feel the dark negative energy pulsing through myself. then i *saw* it bubble up into a small sphere in my hand. then i blew it away. i *watched* it float away and let the universe take it. i then sat and centered myself. enjoyed the beauty of the day and relaxed. :) i woke up with such a happy heart this morning! i also burnt a tea light for myself last night. i asked to be cleansed of negativity. so i can be open to the positive beauty of the world. and i have to say, it worked! i'm not gonna sit here and tell you that i have *forgiven* or *forgotten* what she said or did, however, i feel relieved of it. and i don't feel the need to hang on to that negative energy anymore! i'm thinking this will be a practice that i shall do every night. we all know that we get smacked every single day with horrible energy, especially you empaths out there! so why not get rid of them before you go to bed. i see it like a psychic shower before you sleep. give it a try, i bet you will have a better nights sleep. i sure did!

**and a side note about this friend** she is a second generation psychic vampire. lol! her mother is very very negative, so she has that within her too. she has overcome many obstacles in her life, she has risen above many of the trappings of her mother.. however, she can be quite synicle {sp?} and hateful. however. it isn't all the time, and she has done some wonderful things for me. and helped me out many times. but i am now seeing that her energy is dark and hurt. that it can rub off on me. so i see the need to cleanse myself after seeing her.  i don't know if you all remember the dark man, but every time i've seen him it's been with her. i think it's a manifestation of her negativity. so my point here is that i keep her at arms distance and that i try to think of her as my fun time friend. ;) she has her own battles to fight. i learned my lesson about trying to help her. she will deal with it in her own time. so for now, she's my fun time buddy. :D

hope you all have a day full of wonder and peace! (((hugs)))~ alysia

ok.. i think someone's trying to tell me something today... here are the songs i heard today... do you notice a theme????

all i need to hear now is this song:

he he he... so what do you all think?? ;)

ahhhh... life.... full of obstacles, fear, heartbreak, and most importantly... love, peace, and beauty!! *sigh* as i said last night, a sense of full awareness of self has washed over me. it's like my prior marriage to  myself has finally sunk in! {**for my newer friends: i decided to marry myself a few months back. i wear a ring on my right hand as a reminder that i am betrothed to me! i tend to think of others WAY more then myself. i am beyond giving. i would go starving for someone, who merely wanted more food. but that's in the past. oh, i also had a funeral for my old self. yes. i'm crazy, i know! lol!} for a while now i have been dancing the same dance. a waltz of worry and sadness. a blinding dance that renders the very senses useless! i was back to just going through the motions. i was here, but not really. i had moments of life. moments of true joy. but only moments. it hit me one day, that i really really don't want to live my life dancing this waltz. i don't want to be constantly worried about money, other people, and the unavoidable! sh*t happens! i would have lucid moments where i would see the *light*. i would say, hey i have a beautiful home, wonderful dogs, family life could be better.. but really, who's couldn't! lol! and i have my own business! hello, that's pretty damn cool! lol! those would be my moments of clarity, but sadly only moments. then i would fall back into, as poe puts it, melancholy.  i began to realize that i was living my life for others. that yes, i want to help, i want to heal, i want to be there for people.. i truly care! i just was going at it the wrong way! i began to see a pattern emerging in regards to my friends. they all expected me to give, give, give... and they need not barely give me a smile in return. selfish patterns began to show. i was drained, sad, and hurt. this realization came in conjunction to my cousin getting injured. i was even doing this *giving* thing magically. when i first found out about justin i would send energy galore.  when i started to hate life and had no energy of my own i realized something was wrong. cererbus pointed out that i need to take the energy from the universe not from myself! *duh* lol! this, i had realized applied to my life also...

so what to do with all of this??? learn, change somethings, and grow. :)  what i've began to do is this: i am studying healing. i just happened upon a great book at the store. it was in the sale rack. only $3.99. i feel that it was a sign from brighid and bran. they are saying that i need to properly learn how to help people. i don't think i will ever be a professional, but i think that it is so strong in me that i need to learn how to use it properly. i have also noticed that my tarot skills have strengthened since this *shift* occurred in myself. i feel like i can see clearer. i have even been able to see auras. kinda trippy really! i have also noticed this effect on animals. they like me even more now! kinda cool. ;) works wonders for my profession! lol! i also have been taking more me time out of my schedule.  and i have decided to let my friends just be. they are who they are, however.. i am not who i used to be. i will no longer drop everything to go do something with them. one thing that has upset me and really put this in motion is the way one of my friends in particular has no regard for my time at all. just yesterday i told her i wanted to go to the bookstore. i also said it would be cool to go see the dark night. but most importantly i wanted to go to the bookstore. {i needed another christopher moore book! lol!} she had to talk to some people before she could let me know for sure. so i said that i really wanted to go to the store, so why don't i just head out there now. then we can meet up later. she thought that was a smashing idea. well, she called me shortly after and said she may be able to go to the b.s. with me and that she would call me right back. i waited. called clients. watched the simpsons. so that would be about 45 mins gone by. oh, and not to mention the fact that i was STARVING!! so i texted her with *should i go to the bookstore? should i eat?*. she responded saying that she got into a huge argument with her mom and that she no longer wanted to eat or do anything. that she was way to upset! so, not only did she make me wait, but she didn't text me or anything to let me know this. I had to ask HER!  and really, did she have to get in a brew-ha-ha with her mom right then and there. couldn't she say, "i am going out with my friend. we can continue this later." i don't fight with people, so i don't know the *proper* etiquette for this situation. but i would think that your starving friend who wants food and book right now, really shouldn't be put on the back burner while you have *words* with the woman who birthed you!  so i resigned to take care of me.  that i will no longer let her dictate what my day will encompass! the same goes for all friends, because she isn't the only one i've got who needs to soak in a bottle of head and shoulders!! {get it?? they are flakes! ;) lol!}  i think i have been repeatedly pushed to a life of self reliance. if that is the path i must take, then so be it. i accept with an open heart. perhaps one day i will have someone in my life who will change my mind about all of this... but for now, i live my life for me! so you see, this works with the healing thing too. i was giving myself in that too. so once i learn the proper way to help i will no longer be feeling drained and used. i hold on to hope that me settling into myself will catapult me in the direction of my soul mate. only time will tell.... i have to say though, that senior tattoo has been sending me signals lately! lol! i keep seeing his first and last name in random places! i hear songs that remind me of him. i will have clear image of him out of the blue. *sigh* time... it will tell.

alright kids! off i go to eat, drink, and check in on ya! ooo and i need to do my morning yoga and divine love-fest!  good think i don't work until 2!! lol! ((((hugs)))) ~alysia~

i'm so excited! i just found a site that has every one of mr. poe's works! they don't just have the titles, they have the works too. so i will now be able to have a check list. and DAMN it is a big one! click here to check out his works if you have  second. they are amazing! this one is so touching i just had to share:

*to my mother*

Because I feel that, in the Heavens above,
   The angels, whispering to one another,
Can find, among their burning terms of love,
   None so devotional as that of "Mother,"
Therefore by that dear name I long have called you—
   You who are more than mother unto me,
And fill my heart of hearts, where Death installed you
   In setting my Virginia's spirit free.
My mother—my own mother, who died early,
   Was but the mother of myself; but you
Are mother to the one I loved so dearly,
   And thus are dearer than the mother I knew
By that infinity with which my wife
   Was dearer to my soul than its soul-life.

i have more stuff to yap about. but it is late and i feel the itch to read, relax, and write. one thing's for sure... my life is shifting once again. but in a very good way. i am settling into me. into  my own life's rhythm. i've decided to live MY life how I  was meant to live it... what the hell is she talking about?? you ask. well, i'll explain tomorrow. ;) goodnight my friends. sweet dreams. ~&hearts~ alysia