*yawn* i am so very tired. i just had a record long day! started grooming at 8am stopped at 7pm. *sigh* annnnd i get to do it all again tomorrow! although my body is achy and tired, my heart is happy and full. i know that i am making the money that i desperately need to make... so for the sake of it all, my body can suffer a bit. ;) but i have to admit, the last 2 dogs were no walk in the park! actually, come to think of it, the last 3 sucked! ha! i had my evil schizophrenic dog. one second he wants to lick my face, the next he want to bite it off! he always takes a lot out of me. and his owner's a piece of work too. then i had 2 akitas. they are pups, which actually makes it all worse! they are about 5 months old and they are the size of my dalmatian! and they have not been trained at all so i was fighting them the whole time! and the best part was when the female decided to "evacuate her dinner" in my shower!!! i can handle lil chihuahua leftovers, but anything larger then my head is not ok! after that fiasco i got home, ate some dinner then treated myself to a walk. i was sad because i was sure i missed the crows, the sun was pretty much set and it appears that they have switched locals once again. soooo i walked towards their old spot anyway. as i started i saw a single crow flying above. it landed on a poll right above where i was going to walk. i still hadn't decided which way i was going to go. it helped me decide. ;) i was contemplating my day, also thinking about how neat it would've been to see the murder again. i was thinking that if my witchy senses were wrong and there were no crows i would turn around. but something told me to keep going. i then saw a bunch of them fly over head and i found a beautiful feather right after on the floor!! :D i was one happy camper! i decided to take my earthquake smashed cauldron mug and turn it into a "vase" for my crow feathers and my sweet broom. a perfect addition to my alter. the feathers for bran *of coarse* and the sweet broom for brighid. :) it looks really nice! it's almost like it was the only thing that broke for that very reason.. does that make sense, or am i sounding loopy??? it sucks cause i'm feel really really artistic right now but my brain is mush! i also don't have the time to write a damn thing down!! well, looks like tomorrow i'll have more then 15mins to eat. i should have a nice 30min-an hour to chill. :D soo i need to need to need to write! it is killing me! i'll take any suggestions from the peanut gallery. i would like to do either a short story or a poem. what do you guys think? do you have any images that you love that is just dying to have it's story told. or do you have a subject that you think would be fun to write about?? i'm all ears. i love doing that kinda stuff. :D

two last things before i go narcoleptic on your ass. 1* i get to go see justin on saturday! yay!!! aannnd i get to pick up a couch from a friend on sunday! hurray!!! we may go on sat to sea world or the zoo. so i will be sure to say hi to shamu for you all ;) . you know, i've lived in this house for over a year now and i am just now getting a couch! lol! i have a huge beautiful purple chair that i sit in, but it's gonna be soo nice to have a couch. i'm very excited! ok, 2* who is excited about the olympics??? i'm all about men's swimming! i am so very sad to find out that my man ian thorpe won't be racing. :( he's an aussie but i didn't care if he was swimming against our boys, i always wanted him to win!! he is sooo hot! do you all remember him? they called him the thunder down under, the thorpedo! ha!! behold his beauty!!!!! i hope he will be there and they talk to him a bit. :) i needs my fix! i've waited 4 years damn it! ok, sleepy time. i've gotta get up early tomorrow. kiss*yawn*kiss~ alysia

you know... i learn something new everyday. i see life and i see beauty. i strive to make my life what *I* think it should be.. not what everyone else would want. i am learning more and more how much you can apply that to. one day, a while back, it clicked that i needed to figure out my own idea of success. i need to see what i truly wanted in life. what would make me happy. i began to paint a beautiful -yet simple- image in my  head as to what precisely that entailed. and you know, it changes. i am human and i have the right to make new goals and to see new things that will please me in my life. knowing that and understanding that it is ok to change those ideals.. my very own ideals... has helped me out so much! as i walked around my house i began to see clutter. i saw what some may see as a mess. i began to feel the weight of guilt. weight that i realized was self imposed! so what if my house is a little messy! so what if  i don't find it important! at this time in my life, i have so much to focus on, so much to do, that i can find a million better things to do then to scrub my floors!!! it was such a release for me to see this! i no longer felt like a *slob*. i felt like this is my place. i don't have many visitors, and maybe if i did i'd feel different! lol! no i probably wouldn't. ha! i also realized that just because i was raised in a clean orderly house, doesn't mean that's how mine has to be. i am a single working woman! i live alone. i don't have a maid and i work loonnng hard hours. it is totally understandable that the place will get messy. i am finding that taking care of me- i.e. taking walks, doing yoga, playing with the dogs, seeing friends, etc is a very important part of keeping my sanity! of coarse i don't mean that i should let the place rot just cause i need to meditate! lol! i just mean that i should let go of my guilt if i can't do it today. :) i also am realizing that comparisons are what have haunted me most of my life. feeling the need to be *better* *smarter* *faster* then someone has caused me to beat up on myself horribly! i never once felt that i was truly better then anyone... but i would be weighed down by guilt if i f**ked up. i would think how could I mess up?? once i decided to let go of comparisons my life became so much better. so much more peaceful and happy. i also decided to let go of my martyr flag! lol! i no longer would do something... usually to myself... just to prove a point! but i realized that this goes much deeper then i thought. growing up my parents would always not trust me with something that was important. they would say, *don't have alysia do it, she'll mess it up. don't give her that kind of responsibility.* i heard it all my life! when my sister got married, she asked my mom if she thought i'd like to be the maid of honor.. my mom said *no it's just to much responsibility. i really don't think she'd like to do it.* and literally, just yesterday it hit me. i have been proving them right all my life! i joke that i'm not good with money.. but i really am not. now i know why! i've allowed myself to believe that i can not deal with money. that i will never be able to handle responsibility. i've always been like that little kid who is being taught how to rid their bike. you know how it goes.. mom/dad holds the bike seat and runs next to the kid. kid says i can only do it if you are holding me. mom/dad says yes you can, because i'm not holding your seat now! kid screams and falls! lol! that's me! i would be fine, things would be working then someone would tell me that i am succeeding and i would implode! i would hit the self destruct button and have to start over again! you know, in an attempt to be sweet, my dad said something that was quite jarring to me. he said "you know, while you guys {my bro sis and i} were growing up. i always thought that nothing special would happen in your life. i knew that your brother and sister would do well, but i just didn't see that for you. you never exceeded in school and you never tried for much. so i always thought you wouldn't do well in life. but look at you! i am so proud of you. you proved me wrong. you are making something of yourself. you have your own business. you are your own boss. that is something! that is amazing." once again... comparisons have done me in. lol! as he was saying all of this i couldn't help but think *you never thought i would succeed?!? you always thought that they would do much better?* it stung. even though he was saying something very nice.. it stung. i was the *happy go lucky* child. the kid who could always make her family smile.. the kid who was doomed to flip burgers for the rest of her life at mcdonalds! it did hurt, but something has changed in me. it bothered me a bit. but i also realized that his idea of success may be totally different than mine. i don't care about monetary stuff. i am the happy go lucky child. i care about happiness. i know that big screen tvs, nice cars, expensive cloths don't make you happy. what makes you happy is... well... whatever makes you happy! it is totally up to you. what all that other stuff does is make you in debt! lol! and last time i checked, that's not happy!

so i am ready to forgive myself for all my past f**k ups. i am ready to change my habits that have proven them right! i am ready to become the successful person i want to be. why??? cause it's my life!! it's about time for me to live it. ;) thanx for taking this journey with me. i feel so much better! :D

bountiful blessings of love, light, and pure happiness to you all! may you have a day full of it! and may your life be full of these moments!!! (((hugs))) 'n' &hearts~ alysia

BWWWAAHHH HAAAHAAAAHHHAA HAA!!! i just heard this song on the radio.. i forgot how funny it is. it is so classic because it wasn't ment to be funny. those are the best kind! lol! the best part is when she says, *i honestly do*.

hey, i just realized that i used to have her haircut. well look at that. i had a video vixen hairstyle... i think it's a million times better then this one:

so i had the worst night last night! my lil rosie got really sick. her gums were very pale and she was puking up anything that she took down. :( i usually don't worry much when it's my dalmatian, he's a big boy. but rosie is so small. she wouldn't eat and stop drinking for a while. oh, and i was trying to stay up late to keep an eye on her but someone decided i need to go to sleep early-ish. at about 11:50 the power went out! i tried to sleep, but no power means no a/c or fan! so i was hot! then at about midnight the power came back on. yay! tttthhheennn i turned off the lights off and snuggled in to sleep. rosie likes to sleep on my pillow above my head. i have two pillows, and she sleeps on the one that i don't have my head on... anyway! lol! i guess in sickly state she decided to snuggle up there. well... then her body took over and she puked over the side of the pillow!! and yes, it got on me! and the best part... i didn't have any clean sheets! ha! i thought i did, but turns out i did a crapo job of washing a set and they smelled. so i had to put the sheet down on the mattress and use my warm top blanket as my sheet! oh, but i did have one pillow case.. that is flannel!!! so i was HOT!!! i tossed and turned most of the night, then i finally fell asleep. but i had to get up around 6am! ugh! and i was worried all night about rosie. then i was worried about her all day while i was working. she didn't want to eat this morning, and she was still puking up any thing {water} that she took down. but then i came home after a llllooonnggg day to see her shinning face! she was a million times better! :D i fed her and she happily ate her dinner. *sigh* thank the goddess! i kept having morbid images of finding her dead when i got home. driving home with a stomach full of knots, mind racing... i glanced over at a crows feather that i had found awhile back. and a sense of total calm came over me. my vision did this weird *click* kinda thing. it's the kinda thing that it does when i get info that is from *someone else*. the best that i can describe it is like when you are getting your eyes tested and they have all of those lenses that you look through and they say :which is better? number one, number two:... so my eyes did that and i *thought* :she's fine. she's happy and healthy. no need to worry:. it was like i *knew* it to be true. and sure enough, she was totally fine! i also *knew* that the power would go out. kinda like i *knew* the earthquake was going to happen. my mind is getting sharper, i can feel it! but i'm thinking that rosie either ate a bee or a spider {black widow} or she was stung or bit. she has a milky film coming from her eyes, and i thought her throat felt swollen. but i'm just happy she's ok. i was really concerned there.

so two last things then i'm outtie! numero uno: while working today i did something pretty cool. i switched my thinking. and i ended up having a great day! i had a very tight schedule today. clients that practically overlapped. whenever that happens i get very frazzled. i think about how i can't do it, how my clients will be sooo pissed, and about how i won't be able to take my time and groom each dog properly. well, i flipped it. i thought, i've got plenty of time, if i am late no one will mind, and i will do a great job and they will be happy. i was about a half hour late to each client and everyone of them didn't care. they didn't even mention it! i felt calm and happy. i never cursed out my fellow drivers {oh boy do i get all california driver when i am in a rush! lol} and i never got mad if the light turned red. my only true concern was rosie. but i tried to not let it effect my day. and it worked! **it also helps that i made $485 today!! whoooohhhoo!!** and numero...umm... two-oh. lol! i went for a wonderful walk tonight. it was soo beautiful out! the moon was out and the weather was perfect! it was neat cause we have some clouds and so the moon looked all hazy, like as if someone smudged it with their thumb. :) i've decided i need to take a walk everyday. i need the connection with the earth. even though i am outside a lot cause of my job, i need to take time to think, dream, and connect. yesterday i ended up casting a spell while walking! it was marvelous! i found 8 crows feathers and so as i was holding them i felt the need to do something for justin. and i'm not sure if i *saw* what is going to happen, or if i was manifesting what *should* happen. i saw him very strong and powerful. i saw his step mom with a gag around her mouth and her arms tied up. justin towered over her and she was looking down, as if she was submitting. i never felt anger from him. only... well.. power i guess. perhaps a dash of knowledge too. i also *saw* my uncle with sunglasses on. then he took them off and put on seeing glasses and he looked at her. so i think that, perhaps, justin won't let her actions dictate his life. she doesn't phase him. and my uncle will finally see clear what is going on. so ya, not sure if i did that, or i saw that! lol! but my eyes did do that click thing again. we shall see. only time will tell. :) that enough gibberish out of me! wow.. i can't believe i just spelled that right. who would've thought i could spell gibberish properly! ok, off to sleepy land... nighty night bats and ghouls,

alysia

yes.. hot dog indeed.... *raises eyebrow in a semi snooty, yet agreeing way*

i just had a marvelous trip! i went to fresno with my mom, dad, and the frenchy pups. we left on sat morning and came back today {sunday morning}. fresno is about 3 hours from here and it is hotter then hot out there! we went to my mom's breeder friend's house to deliver a pup.. well, that didn't happen! lol! my mom's supposed to decide which puppy she wants to keep, but the longer she has them the less she wants to get rid of them! but they are waiting to see which one looks better. but really, i think my mom just wants to keep both of them! her breeder friend has a cool ass house! he lives on 5 achers {sp?}, has a pool complete with a pool house with a built in sauna, a tennis court, and a separate dog house!  he has many many dogs himself. we stood outside and played with the frenchies. it was a blast! we had a big ol dinner and then went to the hotel and slept. it was great! aaaanndd i am soo excited because i have a petsitter now!! yay!! my mom's old sitter said she would be able to help me out. :D so i had someone checkin in on my babies while i was gone. no need to ask flaky friends! hurrrrrrrrayyy!! and i came home to healthy happy dogs. my house looks great, everythings in order. i'm a happy camper! even when i would come back after a night away when my friend came, i would have a messing dirty house. it makes me wonder if she even came over. :( 

so for today, i'm just hanging out. :) i have tons of stuff on my tv that i wanna watch. i have plants that i'd like to put in the earth, and i just want to take in this beautiful day. :D i have a very very busy week ahead of me, so i'm thinking i need to calm and center before it all consumes me! lol! the coolest thing is that my house is pretty damn clean right now because i cleaned it before i went off to fresno. sooo i don't have that to do! yay!!! i'm thinking of going to the grocery store and getting some fire wood for a bonfire tonight. i have some magic i really need to do. i also didn't have a chance to celebrate lughnassadh. :( so i'm thinking today will be perfect! perhaps a dusk crow walk is in order today too.. ahhhh the possibilities. ;) justin's step mom is at it again and it looks like she and my uncle will be going to see him this next weekend. sooo i'm thinking another binding/protection spell is in order. i really focused on protecting him while they visited in maryland, so i think i may want to do another one for this visit. i don't feel that i should do it forever... i do see that this is his and her life, and i do see that they have their own paths to follow... however, i just feel that this is not the time or the place for either of those lessons! i think that justin needs his father and his life to be balanced and supportive right now. and i'll be damned if that bitch does anything to mess that up! wanna hear some cool news though?!!? my mom is going to be bringing justin the ipod that all of the cousins purchased tomorrow! i am soo excited about it! i hope he loves it!.. i'm sure he will. i'm just bummed it didn't get there faster. but what are you gonna do? oh! and i almost forgot! i may be going to crufts! it is that big ol dog show in england! aaahhhh! my dad has said that he would send my mom and i for about 3 years now, so i'm excited, but i'm not holding my breath. lol! so, do any of my english friends live anywhere near birmingham???? i may have messed up that spelling, sorry! if we go, it will either be for 1 or 2 weeks! EAAAAKKKK!!! i'm excited! i hope it happens! :D alright kids! i'm off to have a magical day! hope you all have the same!

(((hugs))) n' luv! ~alysia~

so i think most of you know that i have dedicated myself to brighid. she is the celtic goddes of fire, midwifery, and creativity. with the exception of birthing crotch droppings {ha!! sorry i couldn't resist! lol!!! i mean it with the strongest sense of love and appreciation i do, i really do.}  i am very connected to all that represents her. and actually, i am quite fond of lil ones. babies are so cute and seem to be drawn to me. well, some of you may also know that another god has decided to be in my spiritual posy. bran the blessed. i've spoken of him before, he's a giant among gods. ha! he really is, he was said to have been a giant who could walk in the ocean with his head still out of the water. :) he is strongly associated with ravens and crows. his name literally means blessed crow. and you all know how much i love those creepy lil buggers! :D  i have made it a point to welcome brighid into my life everyday. i have a little conversation with her and meditate on how fab my day's gonna be. well, about a week ago i found myself welcoming bran too. he just kinda weaseled his way in there. ;) i feel that he is very close to me, and i feel that he is the one who protects me, my animals, and while he was out there.. my cousin. i truly feel that bran was the one who kept justin *safe*. i asked him to watch over justin when he left. since justin has been back i've felt bran around. so like i said, for about a week now i've been welcoming brighid and bran. if i am home for the day i will light a candle, but if not i say that i light a candle in my heart. well, yesterday was another great crow day! took miss. lib out again and went back to the crow spot. they were all there yackin away. :)  i marveled in their beauty. i slowly walked under them. then something truly magical happened! those who read my last post will remember that i yearned to yell really loud so that i could see these magnificent creatures fly off. well.... a car backfired!! ha!! it was awesome! the sound *of the crows* was almost deafening! the sky was almost totally blacked out by their fluttering. it was like the swarm of bats that i've seen on tv! it was spectacular!!!! some flew by my head, most stayed high. i took a deep breath and said a little something to bran. i told him that i am honored to have him in my life, and that i appreciate all he's done for me and my family. :) it was very very moving. i was amazed that i was the only person out there watching the show.  and you know, just about every day since i have welcomed bran, i have found at least one crows feather. today i found one randomly while i left the local bagel place. :) he wants me to know he's around. ;) and then!!!! i had a crazy occurrence yesterday in my house! i got up and went into my kitchen to get some water... i noticed that there were a few flies in the house. what do you expect, it's summer! then i noticed that the buzzing was louder then normal. and the flies were bigger then normal... to my shock and horror {ok i'm being dramatic, i wasn't horrified! but it sounded good right?} i realized they were bees!!! i thought it was just one bee, but there was 5! i tried to get them to follow me outside, like some magical bee pied piper! lol! but it didn't work! i looked around outside, and i've got no hives out there. i have no idea where 5 bees came from! here's the magical part... 5 is my lucky number, and bees are closely associated with brighid! she was in my house!! aaah!!! to bad i had to kill her!! lol! i felt so bad doing it. but i had to. i didn't want my dogs to eat them. and i didn't want to get stung. so i sent them out of this world on the wings of my spiritual life magazine. :) so i guess when you open yourself up to the divine they like to show you that they are around. :) hope you all have a beautiful first harvest! i like to call this day lughnasadh, mostly cause i luv lugh too. he's a good guy. ;) but either way you slice it, i hope you all have a wonderful one! i think i'm gonna honor this day with a bonfire. :)

~&hearts~ alysia ~&hearts~