.... beautiful! :) and so is mine.

so the tattoo was a no go. my dream man went home early because his back hurt way to much. :( i went in and everything. but they said they sent him home because he was in way to much pain. i wish i would've seen him before he left. i could've offered to give him a massage. my empathic massages are all the rage. my mom loves it when i give her a massage. :) so i am going to make an apt with him probably for october 21st. should be cool. nice and close to halloween. :) i am kinda sad about not getting it the day of his service, but i feel better about now having time to really save for it. so it's all good in the end. this weekend was tough. my mom's dogs are sooo regimented that if you do something slightly off the norm they get all weird. but it worked out ok. and one of my friends came out to visit me and she helped me feed the brood. that was awesome!!! i barely slept this weekend though. i went to bed at like 3 am on sat and got up at like 9 on sun. i just wasn't sleepy. and my mom just had gotten the first season 6 feet under on dvd. it is a good show! so i was up watching a bunch of episodes. but it was worth it. then i went to bet at 1ish last night and had to get up by 5 this morning! ugh! i am having some serious sleep issues.

but i had tons of time this morning to do some yoga and listen to the medicine buddha. i did a little chakra meditation and i feel great! since my uncle passed i really haven't done any of my usual stuff. i haven't walked in forever and i haven't done my morning yoga. today was the first day of me getting back to that. it feels really good. the sun was in just the right spot. i was shining through my window onto my face and body. laid there and just took in the wonderful feeling of it. i've been so busy and so grief stricken that i have forgotten how magical the little things are. i refuse to let sad events in my life equal a sad life!!! i miss my uncle so much, but he's the one who died.. not me. i need to live my life and love it, really love it! i cherish and honor the past, but it doesn't have to consume the future or the present. i find so much joy in the simple things i really do. just sitting here i see my dal obie sitting on his favorite chair. he looks so happy to be home. so peaceful. i try to live my life like a dog, in the now. and really take the time to sniff the air. although sniffing someones  butt is right out of the question! lol! i don't ever want to be afraid to laugh and love. i can honestly say that this loss almost got me to want to do just that. i began to think about how we all are going to die. and what's the point of getting close to anyone... etc... but i realize that it's stupid to drown myself in sorrow. it is so much more fun to enjoy life then to be angry about it. somewhere along the way i learned that i was not supposed to be happy that i was supposed to feel guilty if i was to be happy. well, that lesson didn't stay for to long! lol! i still have problems with that thought. and i still sabotage myself. but i am seeing more and more the benefits of staying positive and seeing the beauty in everyday life. each moment holds it's own beauty... for what is life but a bunch of moments crammed together. so why not choose to see the beauty in them. the the gods would never want us all to suffer and be sad. we didn't *sin* we aren't supposed to make up for something bad we did! my friend who came over was telling me about how she is so not happy and it freaks her out cause she should be happy. she has a wonderful bf whom she adores. she is treated right and things are really looking up for her. but she wants to sabotage it bad! she looked at me through teary eyes and said why. i told her because she feels that she doesn't deserve happiness. she thinks that she did something really bad in her past, that something was all her fault and so now she must never be happy. i hit a cord with her. it really made me think of myself too. even if there wasn't a particular event that caused me to think this way, somewhere in my mind  i thought i shouldn't be happy. that everyone else should be happy but not me. not true!  so i choose to see the beauty in life. and i choose to celebrate the past. today  am going to have a wonderful day! hope  you all do the same!!

"beauty of whatever kind, in it's supreme development, invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears." -mr. poe

have a beautiful day guys! (((hugs)))~ alysia