hello all! as i sit here this morning all cozy in my favorite wrap, sipping my favorite tea {Irish breakfast kicks ass!}, and as i eat my latest obsession... wheat toast with butter and cottage cheese... yum yum yum!  i began to feel a stabbing need to give thanks and a small update.. i always like to start with the goods, sooooo thank you, thank you, thank you,thank you,thank you,thank you,thank you!!!!!!!!!!! i want to thank everyone who gave me support and advice while i hid in the darkness silently weeping.. i think i really made a breakthrough this time! the darkness isn't quite so scary anymore! i am the queen of guilt!! and i now don't feel guilty for things that i have done... i see that they were a mistake and we, as humans, must make mistakes to grow! i see what i have done wrong and know that i need to "suck it up" and deal with what i have done! {don't worry, i didn't do anything to exciting! lol! just reckless money spending} i step out of the darkness and see that i have many friends who were there giving me a helping hand all along! and even if you may have not commented on my last post... i know that you are all there for me! and i thank you all for your friendship and support! a sense of peace has washed over me like the soothing waters of a great bath.

last night i did what cerberus suggested and i ask my tarot cards for some assistance on the subject.. and it was odd... what it said i was like DUH!!!! it was something that i already knew, but didn't want to know!! lol! then i meditated a bit with my black crystal ball {the stone escapes me right now!! i know its not onyx...} i began to fall into a very dream-like state, so i figured it was a good idea to go to bed! well i had a great dream that, i feel, clarified a lot for me!!

let me kinda set the stage.. my great aunt has been told that she has pre-cancerous cells in her uterus.... so they said that she must have a hysterectomy to stop them from becoming cancer. sooo my mom said that she would love to have one! only because her body can't decide if it wants to be a crone or not!! lol!

sooooo in my dream, i told my mom that she should go for it! get a hysterectomy! she said she would only do it if i did!! so i said sure!!! i had the surgery and when i woke up {from the surgery still asleep in real life!} i just kept looking at the scar and began to feel total regret and remorse for what i had done!! a millions what-ifs came to mind! the feeling was soooo strong that when i woke i still felt it!! i laid in bed for  a while and just let it sink in.. i think i am allowing to many outside influences in my life and i see it as a don't get rid of something that is a piece of me! such as my dark side... embrace it and nurture it!

well any way!! thank you all again!!! hope you have a wonderful day and weekend!!!!

&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts!!!!!,

~alysia